Domestic violence- Badly stuck! HELP!!

[Amna987]

i got married in India with a British citizen in february 2013. I got spouse visa and moved to the uk in August 2013. Everything was fine when we were in India. As soon as I came to uk, he changed altogether.

I'm going through serious domestic violence (in my point of view). Not sure if authorities would consider it dv.

My husband does not allow me to step out of the house and does not allow anyone to meet me. In short, no one is allowd to enter our house. I stay alone all the time feeling lonely and depressed.

As soon as I arrived here, I got pregnant. We have a daughter now. He does not allow me to show my daughter to anyone, not even on Skype. He says I can't show her to anyone without his permission. Not even to my mother.

After I got pregnant, since that day we have no physical relationship. He does not even talk to me. I feel so lonely and depressed. It's been 2.5 years that I've been outside anywhere. At times I think I'll have mental break down anytime now.

He swears at me all the time and treats me badly. He says that treating wife badly is manly.

I want to go back to India to meet my parents and show them my daughter who is 1 year old now. But my husband is not agreeing. He says if I go to India, he will divorce me.

I have a few questions:

1) if I get divorce now, will I be deported right away? Or I can apply visa as a parent of a British citizen?

2) can I apply for dv-ilr? If yes, then how will I prove that domestic violence is being practiced in our house as he doesn't harm me physically? So I have no evidence.

3) ever since I came to uk, he has given me no money. When I received my visa, it stated I can't work or study? If I work, would that mean i can't get visa extension?

4) my visa expires soon, instead of applying for spouse visa extension, can I apply for visa as a parent of British citizen? I don't think I meet its requirements as for this visa I have to be earning enough money to support my baby.

5) He says if I go to India, he will divorce me. What should I do about it? Because if I go to India, and he sends me divorce papers there, then I can't apply for DV-ilr or parent visa. Because for dv ilr I have to be in the uk and for parent visa, child has to be in uk.

My visa expires soon. So the solution that I came up with is this... My visa is about to expire, so Instead of applying for spouse visa extension, I should apply for parent visa. But I came to know that I can't apply for parent visa as I can't support my child financially and I'm eligible to apply for spouse visa.

I thought if I apply for parent visa then I can go to India and meet my family there. If he sends me divorce there, I will still be able to come back to uk as I won't be on spouse visa anymore.

I know it's a bit complicated, but someone please help me. I'm feeling suicidal. Im not getting divorced as if I get deported, life in India after divorce is very bad.

Note:
When I had my daughter, hv came over to my house and guessed that I was going through domestic violence. She informed gp. Gp asked me several times but I refused because my mother in law was there. They don't let me go anywhere except to doctors. And they go with me to doctors.

Thanks for reading and replying in advance!

[Obie]

You really need to call the police and get out of that situation.

It is very worrying situation to be in. Get out with your child.

Perhaps that how your father in law treated you mother in law, that is why he thinks it is appropriate to treat you like that.

You need to seek urgent help and pull out , or better still get them out of the home, as you have done nothing wrong.

They are the criminal.

[Obie]

You really need to call the police and get out of that situation.

It is very worrying situation to be in. Get out with your child.

Perhaps that how your father in law treated you mother in law, that is why he thinks it is appropriate to treat you like that.

You need to seek urgent help and pull out , or better still get them out of the home, as you have done nothing wrong.

They are the criminal.

[Casa]

There is help out there for you. DV doesn't have to be physical, it can be psychological violence as well. You don't say where in the UK you are living, but call the charity Southall Black Sisters http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/
Helpline 0208 571 0800

[noajthan]

There is help out there for you. DV doesn't have to be physical, it can be psychological violence as well. You don't say where in the UK you are living, but call the charity Southall Black Sisters http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/
Helpline 0208 571 0800

+1

Saddened to hear your story.

People will help you.

Aanchal: Helpline for Asian women experiencing domestic violence.

Languages spoken include: Bengali, Hindi, Punjabi, Gujerati, Tamil and Urdu.

Phone: 08454 512 547, every day 24 hours.

For more information & guidance, see & browse the website here:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?se ... +languages

[Amna987]

You really need to call the police and get out of that situation.

It is very worrying situation to be in. Get out with your child.

Perhaps that how your father in law treated you mother in law, that is why he thinks it is appropriate to treat you like that.

You need to seek urgent help and pull out , or better still get them out of the home, as you have done nothing wrong.

They are the criminal.

Yes I'm depressed. I think I've developed mental problems now. I get nightmares all the time. And I can't concentrate on anything. I forget basic things. Like I've forgotten basic things of my religion. I don't remember what they are. I went to get my daughter weighed with my mother in law, the hv there said I don't even have confidence to hold the baby.

I'm very worried all the time.

Please someone tell me what are my visa options? I don't wanna go back to India.

And how do I prove dv?

[SoHopeful]

You need to think about your safety and well being first!
You can apply for leave aside from being a spouse if you are a victim of domestic abuse but you need to take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and your daughter... think about it - once you get the advice how would you go about making a separate application without your husband knowing if you cannot leave?!

Do you live with your in-laws?
Is there anywhere at all you can go without your husband or in-laws around?

If you are able to use the phone you can contact any of the services mentioned on here or call your local social services department. If not, call the police for immediate assistance.

You are entitled to work on a spouse visa and I assume any visa you may be eligible for as a parent of victim of DV.

If your HV suspects DV then she may be the best person to turn to... She should be able to support you in getting help and provide evidence of your situation as a professional.

[Casa]

+1 Excellent advice.
Regarding evidence of DV, you need to report the situation either to your HV, GP or the police...or ideally all three to ensure it is on record. The charities for which you now have contact details should be able to advise you on the process, apart from helping to ensure yours and your child's well-being.

[Amna987]

You need to think about your safety and well being first!
You can apply for leave aside from being a spouse if you are a victim of domestic abuse but you need to take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and your daughter... think about it - once you get the advice how would you go about making a separate application without your husband knowing if you cannot leave?!

Do you live with your in-laws?
Is there anywhere at all you can go without your husband or in-laws around?

If you are able to use the phone you can contact any of the services mentioned on here or call your local social services department. If not, call the police for immediate assistance.

You are entitled to work on a spouse visa and I assume any visa you may be eligible for as a parent of victim of DV.

If your HV suspects DV then she may be the best person to turn to... She should be able to support you in getting help and provide evidence of your situation as a professional.

I'm in a very difficult situation. I feel I can't cope with it anymore. It's effecting me mentally so much so I get headaches all the time and I'm not able to concentrate on anything. If hv gets to know this. She may just take my daughter away.

If I'm not able to prove domestic violence, I'll be deported. I have so many problems right now. Not sure what I want from life anymore. I feel suicide is the only solution.

[Casa]

Have you contacted any of the support networks we've posted for you? You need to make your HV and your GP aware of the situation and for the DV to be recorded in your patient notes. Your child needs you.

[physicskate]

I'm in a very difficult situation. I feel I can't cope with it anymore. It's effecting me mentally so much so I get headaches all the time and I'm not able to concentrate on anything. If hv gets to know this. She may just take my daughter away.

If I'm not able to prove domestic violence, I'll be deported. I have so many problems right now. Not sure what I want from life anymore. I feel suicide is the only solution.

If one of us could reach through the computer screen to drag you out of that situation, we would! But we can't! So please please accept help by making a small step - call the Southall Sisters, your GP or even just 999. NOW. Let us help you by making a small step to help yourself. You will not 'be deported'. There are options for you but, unfortunately, we can only help guide you!

Things are bad now, but they can, and WILL, get better!!!