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They'd have the right even if you had a family permit. However, unless they believe you are an undesirable or you lack the right documents, they can only refuse to allow you two to enter the UK together if they can argue that your marriage is not demonstrated or is one of convenience. The right documents are passports (or alternatively a national ID card in his case) and matching marriage certificate.
In principle, no. I must confess I was confused when I last looked at the instructions for applications from the US. Documents for a settlement visa were to be sent to Sheffield, and documents for other visas to Washington. I believe a family permit is an 'other visa' rather than a 'settlement visa', but I found the instruction confusing, and am open to correction.
Yes. People here have done exactly that. The FP is only recommended, not required.
For as long as you are the immediate family member of a qualified EEA national, so conceivably the rest of your life, BREXIT notwithstanding. EEA rights are derived directly from your nationality (for EEA citizens) or your relationship with a qualified person, not from any piece of paper or card. Which is why EEA-related residence docs are never called visas.
Yes, on first entry only you'd receive the new EEA family member stamp or whatever they're calling it now. But how you got into the UK has no relevance on being able to apply for a residence card. Even people in the country illegally can apply for an EEA RC if they now have status under EEA law.
If you turn up at the border without an FP, have with you (in your carry-on) an original copy of your marriage certificate and proof that he is exercising treaty rights in the UK (last few months of payslips should do the trick). Obviously also your and his passports, but you wouldn't have made it that far without those anyway. Go to the UK/EEA citizens queue, and state in no uncertain terms that you are seeking to enter under the EEA regulations due to your status as the spouse of an EEA citizen. I think you have to fill out a landing card the very first time, but that should be the last time you ever have to do one of those.