Wife unfaithful whilst application in progress

[longdistance]

Hate to share this but its better to share, my wife and myself have been in the process for 2/3 years for spouse visa.

She has had a couple of entry refusals at LHR, and also our first spouse visa was refused for a number of reasons, one was them thinking its not genuine.

We have had a new lawyer help with our second application, and was submitted a month or so ago.

Issue now is we are pretty much over, I have caught her being unfaithful a few times before and we managed to get over it, bits come to a point where we are not going anywhere anymore.

I heard her talking to her friend in her home language, which I understand, and clearly they were talking about her visa and ways to keep it and get her permanent residency.

I am not one to ruin people or prevent them bettering their lives, but I feel her deceit should not be rewarded.

If I were to tell someone we are over, she has been unfaithful and we are no longer, who would I contact? Home office?

Or if I chose to just rid her from my life, which is what I intend, how long/far would she get if she was granted her first spouse visa? I am sure she would need evidence of an ongoing relationship to continue her visa application after a couple years?

I have heard of people managing to stay after this once they have the first visa, without the need to be in a relationship.

Just seeing what the best thing to do is before its too late

[vinny]

Consider marriage counseling?

[longdistance]

Consider marriage counseling?

It’s gone to far beyond that unfortunately, I won’t go into details but it’s far to toxic

[sohail111]

Hi sorry to hear about your relationship not working out....

Strictly speaking you are her sponsor and if she was to do anything illegal, you will most likely be prosecuted (in addition to her). If she can deceit you in a relationship to obtain a visa (which is illegal anyway) there is no doubt she can break the UK law in other ways and you dont want to ruin your own reputation.

The best thing to do is contact home office via their guidance on this matter. see link https://www.gov.uk/visas-when-you-separate-or-divorce. What happens after is her problem (i.e. risk of overstaying or she may even assign her own lawyer but this isnt your problem anymore)

In terms of breaking the news to your partner, it may be courteous to inform her that you will not be supporting in this process anymore. But if you feel this may put you in danger, since you told Home Office I dont see you have to

I hope all the best for you.

[THO]

Firstly, so sorry to hear your relationship troubles, it must be a hard time for you.

You must inform the HO, if she was granted entry to the UK under false pretences, then you would be complicit in this crime. I'm afraid right now, her visa should be rejected because it is not genuine, you have no intention to remain with her.

And you are right, her duplicity and the way she used you should not be rewarded.

THO

[longdistance]

Hi sorry to hear about your relationship not working out....

Strictly speaking you are her sponsor and if she was to do anything illegal, you will most likely be prosecuted (in addition to her). If she can deceit you in a relationship to obtain a visa (which is illegal anyway) there is no doubt she can break the UK law in other ways and you dont want to ruin your own reputation.

The best thing to do is contact home office via their guidance on this matter. see link https://www.gov.uk/visas-when-you-separate-or-divorce. What happens after is her problem (i.e. risk of overstaying or she may even assign her own lawyer but this isnt your problem anymore)

In terms of breaking the news to your partner, it may be courteous to inform her that you will not be supporting in this process anymore. But if you feel this may put you in danger, since you told Home Office I dont see you have to

I hope all the best for you.

She has not be granted her visa yet, we sent off around a month ago and it’s been assigned to a case worker.

What have I done wrong exactly? We had a genuine relationship. She decided to be unfaithful and do the things she did. I did not encourage this, I have only ever tried to help her as I love her.

If she only was in a relationship to obtain a visa, and duped me, how can I be accountable for this?

[longdistance]

Firstly, so sorry to hear your relationship troubles, it must be a hard time for you.

You must inform the HO, if she was granted entry to the UK under false pretences, then you would be complicit in this crime. I'm afraid right now, her visa should be rejected because it is not genuine, you have no intention to remain with her.

And you are right, her duplicity and the way she used you should not be rewarded.

THO

She has not been granted it yet, but how can I be accountable for being duped? It’s not my fault, if she was only with me for a visa that’s her fault, or if she was with me genuinely for a time, and decided to be unfaithful, if I know longer want to be part of this relationship and notify the home office, how can I be in trouble for this.

I have not lied, or done anything wrong, she is the one who made her choices

[sohail111]

Hi sorry to hear about your relationship not working out....

Strictly speaking you are her sponsor and if she was to do anything illegal, you will most likely be prosecuted (in addition to her). If she can deceit you in a relationship to obtain a visa (which is illegal anyway) there is no doubt she can break the UK law in other ways and you dont want to ruin your own reputation.

The best thing to do is contact home office via their guidance on this matter. see link https://www.gov.uk/visas-when-you-separate-or-divorce. What happens after is her problem (i.e. risk of overstaying or she may even assign her own lawyer but this isnt your problem anymore)

In terms of breaking the news to your partner, it may be courteous to inform her that you will not be supporting in this process anymore. But if you feel this may put you in danger, since you told Home Office I dont see you have to

I hope all the best for you.

She has not be granted her visa yet, we sent off around a month ago and it’s been assigned to a case worker.

What have I done wrong exactly? We had a genuine relationship. She decided to be unfaithful and do the things she did. I did not encourage this, I have only ever tried to help her as I love her.

If she only was in a relationship to obtain a visa, and duped me, how can I be accountable for this?

Correct you have done nothing wrong - apologise if you thought this was my message. I didnt know the stage of visa, since it is with the case worker... I thought perhaps you were already issued a spouse visa.

Also be grateful you are finding out early, i assume there are no children involved in this relationship, that is when it can get more painful, should the children be split from parents (it happens to people for exactly the same reason you mention)

It may be worth you contacting the home office and politely requesting a refund (or partial refund) of fees paid, since you dont want to be in an avoidable financial loss

However I am saying down the line, say if you continue to entertain her visa then knowing the facts, then it will not look good on your behalf, should there be any problems with the law down the line. Morally it is wrong what she has done.

[THO]

Firstly, so sorry to hear your relationship troubles, it must be a hard time for you.

You must inform the HO, if she was granted entry to the UK under false pretences, then you would be complicit in this crime. I'm afraid right now, her visa should be rejected because it is not genuine, you have no intention to remain with her.

And you are right, her duplicity and the way she used you should not be rewarded.

THO

She has not been granted it yet, but how can I be accountable for being duped? It’s not my fault, if she was only with me for a visa that’s her fault, or if she was with me genuinely for a time, and decided to be unfaithful, if I know longer want to be part of this relationship and notify the home office, how can I be in trouble for this.

I have not lied, or done anything wrong, she is the one who made her choices

You have done nothing wrong yet, but if you allow her to obtain a visa, as you do not inform the HO of your breakup and cancel the application, then you will have helped her to obtain a visa under false pretences. This is why you need to let your case worker know, and as pointed out, see if you can obtain a refund for payments made.

[longdistance]

Hi sorry to hear about your relationship not working out....

Strictly speaking you are her sponsor and if she was to do anything illegal, you will most likely be prosecuted (in addition to her). If she can deceit you in a relationship to obtain a visa (which is illegal anyway) there is no doubt she can break the UK law in other ways and you dont want to ruin your own reputation.

The best thing to do is contact home office via their guidance on this matter. see link https://www.gov.uk/visas-when-you-separate-or-divorce. What happens after is her problem (i.e. risk of overstaying or she may even assign her own lawyer but this isnt your problem anymore)

In terms of breaking the news to your partner, it may be courteous to inform her that you will not be supporting in this process anymore. But if you feel this may put you in danger, since you told Home Office I dont see you have to

I hope all the best for you.

She has not be granted her visa yet, we sent off around a month ago and it’s been assigned to a case worker.

What have I done wrong exactly? We had a genuine relationship. She decided to be unfaithful and do the things she did. I did not encourage this, I have only ever tried to help her as I love her.

If she only was in a relationship to obtain a visa, and duped me, how can I be accountable for this?

Correct you have done nothing wrong - apologise if you thought this was my message. I didnt know the stage of visa, since it is with the case worker... I thought perhaps you were already issued a spouse visa.

Also be grateful you are finding out early, i assume there are no children involved in this relationship, that is when it can get more painful, should the children be split from parents (it happens to people for exactly the same reason you mention)

It may be worth you contacting the home office and politely requesting a refund (or partial refund) of fees paid, since you dont want to be in an avoidable financial loss

However I am saying down the line, say if you continue to entertain her visa then knowing the facts, then it will not look good on your behalf, should there be any problems with the law down the line. Morally it is wrong what she has done.

Yes I was a bit confused but now I understand, if I allow her to continue the process and we are no longer together, then I will be breaking the law for allowing her to get a visa and we are not together.

Timeline: we met, fell in love, she was refused 3 times entry to uk at the border, first spouse visa refused for a number of reasons.
Now we have reapplied and it’s in the process, along the way her toxic behaviour has gotten worse.

I’m not going to be in this relationship anymore no matter how much I love and care for her unfortunately, it’s hard, very hard but I guess with the previous complications with refusals etc it was god saying this is wrong.

No children thankfully, just strong feelings of love and attachment.

[longdistance]

Firstly, so sorry to hear your relationship troubles, it must be a hard time for you.

You must inform the HO, if she was granted entry to the UK under false pretences, then you would be complicit in this crime. I'm afraid right now, her visa should be rejected because it is not genuine, you have no intention to remain with her.

And you are right, her duplicity and the way she used you should not be rewarded.

THO

She has not been granted it yet, but how can I be accountable for being duped? It’s not my fault, if she was only with me for a visa that’s her fault, or if she was with me genuinely for a time, and decided to be unfaithful, if I know longer want to be part of this relationship and notify the home office, how can I be in trouble for this.

I have not lied, or done anything wrong, she is the one who made her choices

You have done nothing wrong yet, but if you allow her to obtain a visa, as you do not inform the HO of your breakup and cancel the application, then you will have helped her to obtain a visa under false pretences. This is why you need to let your case worker know, and as pointed out, see if you can obtain a refund for payments made.

Yes I understand now, how can I contact the case worker? Or I just use the link above and email marriage break up?

I hate doing this as I care for her but what other choices do I have? If I allow this, not only am I breaking the law, but it’s another power trip for her, this is my ego talking, but why should I let her get away with this

[sohail111]

In your email, provide your unique reference number and ask for it to be addressed to the case worker immediately and you intend to refund any fees, should you be eligible to do so

I dont believe there is another choice. You are a British Citizen with the authority to sponsor a spouse. Since the relationship is not valid and truthful the foundations are now broken. She is likely to use and manipulate you to get a visa by any means.

I know it sounds horrible but your duty is to cancel the pending application and you dont need to worry about the result any longer, as is not your fault or your problem. Why should you emotionally suffer any longer?

By the sounds of the above, you have spent more money at this application than expected? Since the applications have been refused multiple times before, it is likely to provide problems in the future.

All the best in your choices
(NFA)

[longdistance]

In your email, provide your unique reference number and ask for it to be addressed to the case worker immediately and you intend to refund any fees, should you be eligible to do so

I dont believe there is another choice. You are a British Citizen with the authority to sponsor a spouse. Since the relationship is not valid and truthful the foundations are now broken. She is likely to use and manipulate you to get a visa by any means.

I know it sounds horrible but your duty is to cancel the pending application and you dont need to worry about the result any longer, as is not your fault or your problem. Why should you emotionally suffer any longer?

By the sounds of the above, you have spent more money at this application than expected? Since the applications have been refused multiple times before, it is likely to provide problems in the future.

All the best in your choices
(NFA)

Ok I will do, i have spent a lot of money on this relationship, not just with the applications but the travelling to visit her etc. although i am going to look back one day and see how much money I have lost, Its not about the money, its about the lies, breaking trust, and just overall disrespect.

I know they will refund the NHS fee, they did last time it was refused. I was hoping they just refuse it again and I can go about my business and not have anymore involvement, but I guess I have to notify them of whats going on, in case it is not refused.

I was going to leave it for a couple more weeks as they normally refuse within a month to 6 weeks, after 2/3 months have passed it generally means it's going to be approved, thats from our experience of course. Our previous refusals were received within 6 weeks, people we know who have been approved generally hear nothing for 3/4 months.

[sohail111]

In your email, provide your unique reference number and ask for it to be addressed to the case worker immediately and you intend to refund any fees, should you be eligible to do so

I dont believe there is another choice. You are a British Citizen with the authority to sponsor a spouse. Since the relationship is not valid and truthful the foundations are now broken. She is likely to use and manipulate you to get a visa by any means.

I know it sounds horrible but your duty is to cancel the pending application and you dont need to worry about the result any longer, as is not your fault or your problem. Why should you emotionally suffer any longer?

By the sounds of the above, you have spent more money at this application than expected? Since the applications have been refused multiple times before, it is likely to provide problems in the future.

All the best in your choices
(NFA)

Ok I will do, i have spent a lot of money on this relationship, not just with the applications but the travelling to visit her etc. although i am going to look back one day and see how much money I have lost, Its not about the money, its about the lies, breaking trust, and just overall disrespect.

I know they will refund the NHS fee, they did last time it was refused. I was hoping they just refuse it again and I can go about my business and not have anymore involvement, but I guess I have to notify them of whats going on, in case it is not refused.

I was going to leave it for a couple more weeks as they normally refuse within a month to 6 weeks, after 2/3 months have passed it generally means it's going to be approved, thats from our experience of course. Our previous refusals were received within 6 weeks, people we know who have been approved generally hear nothing for 3/4 months.

Exactly, since you have experience in the timeline of applications its likely to be approved (or they will ask for further information) you are best to judge this part and the earlier the notification the better, since you will salvage back your hard earned money

Why look back one day, just nip it in the bud bro, people have divorces after years of marriage whereas you are realising the truth early, the only person to make your situation better is yourself. Dont look back later and be depressed on how much you have lost. It's time to pick yourself up today and feel better about it tomorrow. Instead flip it around, think about the amount of time, trust, money you SAVED by putting your foot down. It's nothing to be ashamed about if someone has been unfaithful, people always look for shortcuts in life but it takes a strong person to have good morals and keep loyal, you deserve better mate.

[THO]

As said, you have nothing to be ashamed about, divorce happens and life goes on. One day, you will meet someone new and you'll love her more, mark my words.

You'll need to get a divorce, so that might mean you have to interact with her for a while, so keep things friendly, regardless of how you feel about her behaviour. But please do not get pulled back into a relationship, you'll end up even more hurt and out of pocket. Nip it in the bud now, like you seem to intend to.

Good luck

[longdistance]

As said, you have nothing to be ashamed about, divorce happens and life goes on. One day, you will meet someone new and you'll love her more, mark my words.

You'll need to get a divorce, so that might mean you have to interact with her for a while, so keep things friendly, regardless of how you feel about her behaviour. But please do not get pulled back into a relationship, you'll end up even more hurt and out of pocket. Nip it in the bud now, like you seem to intend to.

Good luck

Yes you are right, the most part of me feels like i want out, and a small part of me is trying to hold on. I am sure I will have sad times for a while, but its clearly for the best long term. Thank you

[longdistance]

In your email, provide your unique reference number and ask for it to be addressed to the case worker immediately and you intend to refund any fees, should you be eligible to do so

I dont believe there is another choice. You are a British Citizen with the authority to sponsor a spouse. Since the relationship is not valid and truthful the foundations are now broken. She is likely to use and manipulate you to get a visa by any means.

I know it sounds horrible but your duty is to cancel the pending application and you dont need to worry about the result any longer, as is not your fault or your problem. Why should you emotionally suffer any longer?

By the sounds of the above, you have spent more money at this application than expected? Since the applications have been refused multiple times before, it is likely to provide problems in the future.

All the best in your choices
(NFA)

Ok I will do, i have spent a lot of money on this relationship, not just with the applications but the travelling to visit her etc. although i am going to look back one day and see how much money I have lost, Its not about the money, its about the lies, breaking trust, and just overall disrespect.

I know they will refund the NHS fee, they did last time it was refused. I was hoping they just refuse it again and I can go about my business and not have anymore involvement, but I guess I have to notify them of whats going on, in case it is not refused.

I was going to leave it for a couple more weeks as they normally refuse within a month to 6 weeks, after 2/3 months have passed it generally means it's going to be approved, thats from our experience of course. Our previous refusals were received within 6 weeks, people we know who have been approved generally hear nothing for 3/4 months.

Exactly, since you have experience in the timeline of applications its likely to be approved (or they will ask for further information) you are best to judge this part and the earlier the notification the better, since you will salvage back your hard earned money

Why look back one day, just nip it in the bud bro, people have divorces after years of marriage whereas you are realising the truth early, the only person to make your situation better is yourself. Dont look back later and be depressed on how much you have lost. It's time to pick yourself up today and feel better about it tomorrow. Instead flip it around, think about the amount of time, trust, money you SAVED by putting your foot down. It's nothing to be ashamed about if someone has been unfaithful, people always look for shortcuts in life but it takes a strong person to have good morals and keep loyal, you deserve better mate.

Yes you are right, just seems impossible sometimes but its for the best long term. Just sad some people are so selfish, and carry on through life without ever getting a repercussions. Not that I wish the worst for her, but I do not want to put my life on hold for someone else who clearly does not care about me

[longdistance]

Update.

Last night we had our final discussion which ended in her saying something very cruel, and gave me no choice.

I emailed the home office and explained the situation, and also that we are no longer together, seeking a divorce and I can no longer be her sponsor.

I am guessing even if we somehow reconciled, which is crazy for me to even imagine, but shows how messed up this is. It’s to late to complete the application?

She said I’ve ruined her life and banned her for life for ever coming to the UK, because I reported her for adultery.

I feel very down today, as now I know there is no hope of saving us, I have no reason to contact her now as all I have to say is negative stuff to her. I deleted her numbers and have stopped now, I am worried she reaches out and try’s to reconcile, and try’s to get the visa application back again

[AmazonianX]

Update.

Last night we had our final discussion which ended in her saying something very cruel, and gave me no choice.

I emailed the home office and explained the situation, and also that we are no longer together, seeking a divorce and I can no longer be her sponsor.

I am guessing even if we somehow reconciled, which is crazy for me to even imagine, but shows how messed up this is. It’s to late to complete the application?

She said I’ve ruined her life and banned her for life for ever coming to the UK, because I reported her for adultery.

I feel very down today, as now I know there is no hope of saving us, I have no reason to contact her now as all I have to say is negative stuff to her. I deleted her numbers and have stopped now, I am worried she reaches out and try’s to reconcile, and try’s to get the visa application back again

It is unpalatable how things her yet probably better than what could turn out. You may feel down right now hoping with time you get better. It's not wrong for her to reachout and seek reconciliation, the question is are you going to put yourself out there to be used?

[longdistance]

But if we got marriage counselling and I emailed the Home Office back saying the first email was a mistake, we are working together to fix our marriage with counselling.

Do you think they would ignore the first email and carry on with the application? Or is it too late now, and the damage is done?

[mavaas11]

Bro I'm being honest and impartial here. The B is using you. She will try and fix things up and get here, once she gets here she could a do a domestic violence etc and get ILR. or get a child. I don't know your whole situation. but if she's cheating beware, as the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. Things can get ugly in the future, even sometimes costs people their life. You're also arguing and I personally wouldn't continue such a relationship. I know its hard.

I would advise and leave her. Bro I wish you the best and hope you find a decent girl. Pray to god and I hope things work out well however you proceed.

[zubbshah]

Sorry to hear about it...but I think there is a another way to look to assess this situation.

You've done your part n submitted the application.
On personal grounds.. you guys might not be together... may be she married you for getting UK visas or citizenship etc.

You were honest n truthful in your relationship.

You duly sent the application n applied for her extn / ilr.
Well you've done good karma on your part n I'd say leave it out there... Destiny/ karma will decide her fate.

I know it's easy for someone to say that...However its like..life gives us two choice especially when someone one let's us down a) revenge or b) forgive n forget.
Do your good karma n leave it out there.

And if you guys have decided not to be together..then work towards it... the sooner you get out of it ..the better... may be in the interim ..there might even be a reconciliation.

It has happened toa friend of mine..both of them are UK nationals by birth..so no question about ilr or visas..but marriage didnt work out..they filed for a divorce...got separated and after a years of separation now they are together.

Ppl will say either ways...they both realised their mistakes....forgive each other , they let go of the ego n now it's all sorted...

Do what your heart says... but yes..if you ask about the Visa bit ..as in got married to you on the pretext of getting UK citizenship....just forgive her.....do your good karma n leave the rest of the lord.

[longdistance]

Hey

I emailed the home office relationship breakdown department and reported it, and shortly after we tried to reconcile, so I emailed them back withdrawing it. They emailed back saying the email will be ignored and the information will not be used on the application.

Our relationship worked for a bit, but I have discovered she has not changed her ways unfortunately and is carrying on just as bad, if not worse now. I even have messages from her admitting it.

I am tired of this, and she thinks she deserves to be rewarded a visa whilst treating me like i owe her one.

It’s been 16 weeks since we got the email saying application received and a case worker is working on it.

That’s 4 weeks past the 12 weeks, but apparently Ukraine and Russia has changed it to 24 weeks now.

So I still have time here, if I were to resend another email, would they take it serious? As I withdrew the previous one, should I include the WhatsApp screen shot of her admitting it?

Also there is 2 forms, a public statement and a consent form. Will she be notified that it was me who told them on both forms? And only the consent form will give the details of what I said? Or will public statement just cancel the application and not give information as to why and won’t tell her I cancelled it?

I am tired of this now, unfortunately I don’t want to mess her around but I don’t see why I need to give her a visa

[THO]

You don't want to mess her around! Forget that, just email HO again and tell them that your attempt to reconcile did not work out, attach a copy of the evidence and say that you can not forgive her this time and you will not remain with her. Do it asap.

Hopefully, this will be in time for the HO to cancel the application. Do not worry if she is told of the reason or not, I really don't know what she expects from you, but she should not be surprised. I would add a note saying that you believe she used you all along to gain access to the UK, and you expect her to keep tying with other men.

Please do not let her be rewarded, it is not fair on you or any decent honest person. You have nothing to fear, and no reason to feel guilty or concerned for her future, as she is not going to be anything to do with you. Find someone decent and faithful, you deserve happiness and not to be treated like a doormat.

[AmazonianX]

It appears no amount of forum members advice and insights matters, the decision on whether YOU want to be messed not just around but up and totally lies with YOU.
Good luck.