Best way to live with my girlfriend

[Wanderer]

Use the rules to your advantage but be prepared to spend serious cash. I'm living with my non-EU partner right now, since 2003, no marriage, no pressure, happy as Larry. Cost a freaking fortune tho, for the both of us.

Like I said, international relationships are doomed to fail, it's a fact, both being English speaking helps but the culture, climate, and most of all distance from family cause rifts, hugh rifts. Think two years hence - money gone, one working maybe two on low pay - she wants to go home for a visit, you say can't afford it, she says ur trapping me, mum will pay, you got on ur high horse, we've all had it, there's loads of issues like this that for me mean we as a country should tighten up on internet based relationships, as most are, emoticons on MSN do not a relationship make.

And in all this, the last thing you want is a black mark in a passport.

Don't think I'm being bleak, we've done it - he's here on a visa independent of me, she can clear off now and live on her own, but fundamentally it's face time u need, not holiday/visit time, and you wont get on a visit visa - 'Genuine Visitor'......

Student visa, work visa, meet in Schengenland for 90 days, live there. Needs dosh tho, otherwise u'll be another statistic, trust me, I live in these circles, I doesn't work for 95% of people, it's a dream, to look cool, my American Girlfriend, all that crap. Not saying that's you but u get the picture.

[ElenaW]

Don't think I'm being bleak, we've done it - he's here on a visa independent of me, she can clear off now and live on her own, but fundamentally it's face time u need, not holiday/visit time, and you wont get on a visit visa - 'Genuine Visitor'......

Student visa, work visa, meet in Schengenland for 90 days, live there. Needs dosh tho, otherwise u'll be another statistic, trust me, I live in these circles, I doesn't work for 95% of people, it's a dream, to look cool, my American Girlfriend, all that crap. Not saying that's you but u get the picture.

Agreed. You need some real life living together I think. Until then it's all snuggles and googly eyes doing touristy things. I'm on an independent visa just like wanderer's gf even though we're married and I can tell you that all the visits we did back and forth were nothing compared to when I came on a student visa and we lived together for years. The accents and the cool american/english hype eventually disappear and all you have left is just the two of you and a visa/money battle. If you can get past that and keep going then you can beat the statistics. I doubt this can happen during a holiday though....sorry got carried away there.

[mochyn]

Thanks for you comments yet again guys. I know everyone's trying to help...but the people who are telling us not lie don't seem to appreciate that visitor is the only category available for her. Hence, she has to have a 'story' to go with that.

As far as the I.O. know, we could have travelled round the world together for a year (as she has numerous European stamps in her passport from 2009). They know nothing of our background and relationship other than what my gf tells them.

Having considered everything, I think the fail safe route is that she's saved since graduating to do a bit of travelling. I've kindly offered to let her stay with me in between trips (but her parents will be supporting her financially). She'll use my home as a base to see different places and absorb a bit of the culture before returning to grad school in the States. Her parents will deposit several thousand dollars in her bank, so the balance looks healthier. She'll have Bank statements and letters explaining from her parents of material support should she need it and of her return to the States after five months. I guess once her time is up, she'll return on a fiancee visa. We both just think that this is the most hassle-free way of doing it.

None of the above is really a lie because she does intend to take trips to Europe and she will have no choice but to return in Feb, whether for grad school or whatever. She's confident, personable and charming and I'm crossing my fingers all will work out well. Although, why my tax payers' money is funding this sort of treatment for somebody that's done absolutley nothing wrong according to I.O.'s own definitions, I don't know!

At the end of the day, if I.O. want to waste their time grilling someone who's highly unlikely to do anything illegal like work or overstay, then that's their perogative. We have a clear story and evidence to back it up. We'd rather be honest, but all the advice seems to be that visiting partners spells a load of trouble.

Thanks for offering to post about your experience asap Angel32. We were never worried up until reading all the posts here. Like I said, I'm flabbergasted that it's such an issue...all based on a seemingly very unlikely possibility that you might do something wrong. I mean, how many American citizens overstay their visas or work illegally each year? It's just not really that type of place. I also agree with your point that my gf will be a visitor in terms of she won't be working and or trying to put down roots (on this trip). If and when she does finally do that, we'll do it that proper route, through a fiancee visa.

I think this is the best way to go as she has many visa stamps for european countries but she should state that she will visit countries that she has not been to before as why should she visit countries that she visited last year.This to me gets around the long visit problem.
Having said that, get everything ready just in case and you can decide at the last minute what to do

[PaperPusher]

She must be honest. It is possible for your girlfriend to visit for a few months, but you just needed to be told the facts of life about what she needs to demonstrate to the IO, will return and funds. Her entry hinges on her credibility at the end of the day, and if she lies and gets caught then her credibility is blown.

If it was easy to live in the UK the population could be a few million higher.

[ElenaW]

But it's not deception because what other visa would she qualify for???

Please understand that some people are not interested in following the proper procedures and just overstay their visit visa. This is why they're so touchy about couples visiting. They're afraid that the foreign partner will want to stay because it's really hard to say goodbye at the airport and is very tempting to just stay.

I honestly don't see what I.O. are trying to act as 'relationship police'! As long as we do things legally, it shouldn't really be any of their business who marries who. I'm quite surprised that most posters just seem to accept the situation instead of being angry and prostesing again it. I can't see any moral or legal reason why somebody shouldn't visit to live with their bf.

Their concern is that you prove that you will do things legally. They won't just take your word for it. They don't care about your relationship. They're just doing their job and picking out the people that raise red flags. You can blame it on all the american overstayers and those that decided to lie and damage the reps of genuine visitors such as you both.

To the post who thinks that I.O. are tough on international dating and rightly so. I just take the view that in the vast majority of cases, "what's the worst that can happen?". The relationship doesn't work out and they go home. So what? They've taken no one's job or accommodation, they've claimed no benefits, and they've spend a lot of money in the country. I don't see who's being harmed by any of this? As long as a foreign bf/gf is being supported by a citizen, I don't understand why they can't stay as long as they want. Few employees will take illegal workers and they risk prosecution should they work. But don't punish people before they're actually done anything wrong. The current rules are ridiculous to anyone not in the immigration forum world. Every 'outsider' has expressed shock at the situation and taken the same "what's the problem?" attitude as me.

Overstayers and people who shouldn't be claiming benefits do! That's the point. Also, lots of employers take the risk of employing illegal immigrants. Actually "outsiders" are usually misguided about immigration until they get caught up in the process themselves. Most people that I've spoken to seem to think that all of Poland has moved here and that Asylum seekers get a free house, car, and loads of money for not doing anything. So I wouldn't really share their same attitude if I were you.

Ok, this has turned into a rant, but surely it's ENTIRELY sensible that oversees couples want to live together before deciding on eventual marriage. It's bad enough that you're pressured into marriage in the first place just to be together but it takes the biscuit that you're also not supposed to 'try out' living together for six months, despite being supported by a citizen AND legally obliged to return (which you'd have very little future if you ignored anyway). A two week visit is hardly enough to base a mariage proposal upon. Thoughts?

Yes I agree, it's very sensible and intelligent to try to see how things go before getting married. But you need huge amounts of money to do this. [/quote]

[PaperPusher]

I don't think the original poster realises how hard it can be to move to the US. The medical check in particular is humiliating unless you like your bits fondled by a doctor (most doctors will just look).

The physical examination will include at a minimum: examination of the eyes, ears, nose and throat, extremities, heart, lungs, abdomen, lymph nodes, skin and external g enitalia

http://travel.state.gov/visa/immigrants ... _applicant

http://www.cdc.gov/immigrantrefugeeheal ... -exam.html

hwyl, your girlfriend MUST be honest. I really hope she is not the sort of person who finds deception honest. There really is no need to lie.

[ElenaW]

I don't think the original poster realises how hard it can be to move to the US. The medical check in particular is humiliating unless you like your bits fondled by a doctor (most doctors will just look).

The physical examination will include at a minimum: examination of the eyes, ears, nose and throat, extremities, heart, lungs, abdomen, lymph nodes, skin and external g enitalia

http://travel.state.gov/visa/immigrants ... _applicant

http://www.cdc.gov/immigrantrefugeeheal ... -exam.html

hwyl, your girlfriend MUST be honest. I really hope she is not the sort of person who finds deception honest. There really is no need to lie.

Oh yeah, if people think the uk is hard, they should look into american visas. They are summing else!

OP, if you were wanting to stay in the US with your gf in the future, she'll need to be making not only a lot of money but you'll have to go through about 8-10 months of visa proceedure before you get your answer.

[PaperPusher]

Meant to say "finds deception easy"

[hwyl]

Thanks for all your help so far guys. I hope we have all that's required to answer any questions I.O. have now. I really appreciate all your comments and suggestions as my gf would have arrived pretty much unprepared, in our naivety.

I'll let you know how it goes.

[GrahamD85]

Good luck mate, I hope it works out for you. There is a lot of truth and solid advice in what Wandered and ElenaW are saying - so make sure you take what they say onboard.

I was in exactly the same situation as you 5 years ago. I studied in the US and met a girl there. Then it was cat and mouse- she studied here for a bit, I went out there to visit. After graduating from her American uni she came back to the UK to study for her Masters degree. It wasn't cheap (around £9,000) but I was living in an apartment and was able to support the two of us with my job. She got a part-time pub job while in uni and we made ends meet. After graduating she applied for the Post-Study Work visa and was able to work full time. Now we've lived together for 3 years and next month we're going for our Unmarried Partners visa application in person.

I won't lie, there have been times where we've wanted to throttle each other. But as Wanderer and ElenaW know and have said, if you survive this visa crap and still love each other at the end of it your relationship will probably be a lot more durable than others.

It's a long road but it's worth it, and you'll know for sure it's what you want!

[angel32]

2 minutes of questions at the IO's desk, no lies, even little white ones were told and my visa was stamped

[hwyl]

Wow - I'm so happy for you! I'm going to collect my girlfriend tonight and hope it all goes smoothly. The stupid, non-sensical system won't keep us down!!!

[mochyn]

better get on your bike she will be here soon

[INSIDER]

Wow - I'm so happy for you! I'm going to collect my girlfriend tonight and hope it all goes smoothly. The stupid, non-sensical system won't keep us down!!!

So how did it go?

[hwyl]

Sorry guys, I've been away and doing stuff.

Good news - it went totally fine (apart fromt he flight being delayed for about three hours!). Just a couple of quick questions and the five month visa was granted. Possibly Bristol airport is a bit more chilled than Heathrow etc as I guess they don't get too many non-EU flights.

Thanks again all you guys for your help. I've just got to decide now whether to pop the question to my lovely lady or not!