Nobody talks about it on this forum !!!!

[AC77]

Hi,

I have been reading this forum for ages now, but always fail to understand why the hell nobody speaks about it .....

I came to this country a year ago on HSMP, looked for a job and got a decently paying job in a month....thought things gonna turn out pretty well now on.

It's been pretty OK on the professional side, but my social life has been nothing but a nightmare. I never realized, when I was in my home country(India), that this is such an important aspect of our lives. I am tired now.... and believe me guys there's nothing wrong with me. All the first generation DESI guys (and i stress on first generation) have the same feelings.... Everywhere I look, I just see impressions, stereotypes that people nurse about people of, i dare say, COLOUR.

I dare also say, that elusive britishness is still a mystery to me. If you are Indian you'll always be made to feel as an outsider. Whatever I saying could be so obvious to many of you that it goes without saying. But i never expected this before coming to this country. UK was always part of the "developed" world for me. But I guess a developed country doesn't necessarily mean developed minds.

Those of you who think of above as senseless rambling, let me put it most simply. It is damn damn hard to make good friends or build a social circle in this country for coloured people except if you want to go for friends of your colour. Excuse me guys if I sound dearly beloved but I am almost convinced this is a fact of life in this country.

I want to give a message to all Indians queued up for entry into this country....If you can live in parallel worlds, basically socially uncomfortable lives, living in shells, struggling to feel socially relaxed, you're most welcome to this country.

Come guys and live for yourselves !!!

[rooi_ding]

You are not alone AC77

This country is very theoretical it is paved with golden theories of how life should be, but in fact it is not you are right we all get stereotyped (I am South African therefore I must be dearly beloved and have a bad accent and love rugby) but I enjoy freaking people out in this country with my liberal views and theories of institutional beloved that occurs in this country, I freak them out even more when I tell them that my wife is Chinese but what really gets them is that they all think I am English and went to a public school (which I did not back in SA) because I refuse to say “init” or “da fing is yea”.

But all this just lends itself to the fact that they just hate it when someone stands out in the crowd then they must be ridiculed and brought back into line (I call it everyone should have white picked fences theory) So yes it is hard to find people who you can socialise with that are not from your own community and maybe you will feel like an outsider. But if you try hard enough you will make “British” friends who will treat you as there equal but they to will be considered different within their own community but at least you will be accepted so hang in there (its taken me 8 years) but it will happen.

Rooi_ding

[Wanderer]

Your right and wrong.

Up here in the North we are maybe a bit more friendly, a good many of my friends are gujerati, displaced from Kenya and Uganda in the late sixties as children.

Having said that we do all live in our little corridors, driving everywhere, not speaking to neighbours anymore. My gf here is Russian, and I see Russia just like here was in sixtoes/seventies, people on the streets walking, talking. There;s noone on the streets here, everyones on a bus, in a car, on a train, getting somewhere, doing something.

I'm bloody sick of it as you can tell!

We're off to St Petersburg as soon as I send my last kid off to adulthood. GF is just as unimpressed by UK, a shame cos it has this totally wow reputation......

Steve

[mhunjn]

I an assuming you never had a social life in India either did you?...

Instead of complaining, have you ever thought of socialising with your work mates?... maybe joining a local leisure centre...

There are a lot of avenues open, if you choose to look around. But if your attitude is going to be 'my skin colour is different that his'... you'll not get anywhere.

It's been pretty OK on the professional side, but my social life has been nothing but a nightmare. I never realized, when I was in my home country(India), that this is such an important aspect of our lives. I am tired now.... and believe me guys there's nothing wrong with me. All the first generation DESI guys (and i stress on first generation) have the same feelings....
It is damn damn hard to make good friends or build a social circle in this country for coloured people except if you want to go for friends of your colour.

[suresh]

hi AC77,

I understand where you are coming from and sympathise. Some things just aren't under your control, maybe in time you'll move in a different circle of people with whom you'll just "click". In the meantime you could consider the current situation to be a bit like boot camp, an army resilience training exercise in how to be more self-sufficient and happy in yourself.

Take a language class, go to the gym, join aerobics or something. I wonder if the people on this forum telling you to stop whinging have ever been through low periods themselves - I hope they got better advice than they're giving you.

[pumkin]

I really don't think it's a 'colour' thing. I am white and have been here for 3 years. I still find it difficult to be 'accepted' into new surroundings, yet, I think thats more because of me being hesitant to 'force' myself on people and in effect, I suppose I was expecting them to approach me. Who am I to expect that??

So, don't sink to using the 'dearly beloved' card for every woe I just think you are probably used to a more friendly culture, where the 'Brits' are renowned for their 'stuffiness'



(And I come from a very British family!)

[BG101]

I agree with pumkin and others on this one - I'm British and find exactly the same. People here are too introverted, in fact it's rare for people to talk to you unless they already know you - a cache-22 situation. In other countries people seem much more friendly but this usually means there is less going on around them but even in places like Italy there are few places to interact socially unless you're invited by someone you know.

We are taught from an early age "not to talk to strangers" and I'm afraid this stays with many people throughout their lives.

The answer is to join social groups, there are plenty out there if you look for them. Building a social life without having gone through universities etc. does take time and perseverence.

There may be some areas in the UK which appear dearly beloved and there will always be individuals who are cursed by this pointless affliction but this is certainly not the norm.