PAKISTANNI HUSBAND NOT WANTED

Upset · Post by **Upset** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:30 am

I got married when i was 17 and a half and now i recently turned 20 in august ,Its been 2 and a half years i have been married my husband is 24 years old and its been 8 months my husband has been in the u.k ,but i been having second thoughts of keeping him with me now....as he has completely changed after coming here.I want to know what happens if i decide to send him back,i dont want him to come back to the u.k again once i have cut of with him i dont want him to see me again.he has a 2 year visa and i would like to know what i should do if i want to send him back home.He is no good to me he is just blinded by the money and just sends all his earnings back home to his family who are well of themselves and i have to live of social security from the government ,he hides things from me and discusses them on the phone with his family back home.....and out of my money he buys ciggarettes.he doesnt know what a wife is .....
plesae help.....thankyou

sohail akhter · Post by **sohail akhter** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:20 am

What do you want to do with him? He would need ur help in order to get his visa extended after the expirty of his current visa. Without ur consent HO will never extend his visa. That's what you need, I think.

Sohil

Upset · Post by **Upset** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:38 am

I want to send him back to pakistan becasue he is giving me a bad time and later on i want to get a diovorce from him.
i just want to know what the HO has for women who are troubled by their non-british husbands,i obviously know i have a chance to send him back and i want to do it as soon as possible

Jeff Albright · Post by **Jeff Albright** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:17 pm

Upset wrote:I want to send him back to pakistan becasue he is giving me a bad time and later on i want to get a diovorce from him.

You cannot "send him back because he is bad" - it is not for you to decide and not within your control whether he is sent back or not or because you want a revenge on him. Just because you live in the UK does not give you any power to possess the others even if they caused you problems.
It is your right to file for divorce if you feel the marriage is no longer working but it is for him to decide how he is going to be living his life after that. His UK status is his business after your divorce, and certainly not yours.
No matter what happened between you and him you have to get out of this situation with dignity and respect for other people and not just being vindictive, which may turn against you in the future. Think before you do anything.

Khurram · Post by **Khurram** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:59 pm

I'll re-iterate what Jeff's said "Think before you do anything". Instead of regarding yourself as a superior being (by virtue of your British Citizenship*), try making a persistent effort in talking things out with your husband ... hear his side of the story ... raise your concerns/issues with him ... try to find any middle ground both of you can come to terms with on ... and even if after trying everything possible you think there is no reconciliation in sight, part ways with dignity. (but I do hope it won't ever come to that)

Regards.

* This opinion's based on the tone of your email.

badboyz · Post by **badboyz** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 7:20 pm

Listen what would you do if your husband was a british citizen, would you deport him then, to were: do not blame the failure of your marriage on immigration. THERE ARE GOOD MEN AND BAD MEN.

Jeff Albright · Post by **Jeff Albright** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:48 pm

badboyz wrote: THERE ARE GOOD MEN AND BAD MEN.

So there good and bad women...Khurram has given very smart advice.

jes2jes · Post by **jes2jes** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:09 pm

I guess I am not a marriage expert but the little that I know from my few years of marriage I would share with the OP.

There is no perfect marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a win-win situation through negotiation. When one wins and the other looses, this becomes domination.

The OP needs to talk to the hubby first and raised concerns. If it does not work, then speak to an elderly person that both of you respect to resolve the issue and also seek counselling (depending on your faith).

IMHO, there are two things I can deduce from the OP's email which might be the cause of the grievance.

1. Her age at marriage (although this might not be true in all cases) was of concern to me. At 17 years, there are alot of things that would baffle you in a marriage and even older folks cannot even sometimes handle the shock of living with their so called dream parntners when they get married. I believe some maturity and counselling will lesson most of these issues and time and patience in the relationship will help smoothen some of the rough edges.

2. The cultural difference. The OP's husband sending all his earnings (there is no way of substantiating this) home, might be due to the mere fact of his upbringing, background and culture. Some Asian's and African's have a responsibility towards their family's well being and they have to remit their folks back home when they make some money. This issue needed to be discussed before the couple got together so that there is understanding and agreement concerning how often to remit the family back home.

I believe if the OP do not rely so much on the 'Power to Send' the hubby home and would result to negotiation, something good can come out of this since both couple are very young and have a lot to learn.

In conclusion, no matter who is right or wrong, NO ONE Wins in a DIVORCE.

ppron747 · Post by **ppron747** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:27 pm

Something that's been puzzling me from Upset's first post is her saying "and i have to live of social security". Isn't this going to affect her husband's ILR application when the time comes, even if nothing else does, in the meantime?

jes2jes · Post by **jes2jes** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 2:34 pm

I do not know the answer to this but I guess John, Kayalami and others would post.

But if she is leaving off benefits and the husband can proof that he has sufficient funds to take care of himself and the wife based on his income and assets, I believe this would work to his advantage. Remember, we do not know the reason for the OP claiming "Social Secuity" (It can be because of a diability, loss of a job recently, etc). and this can weigh in the hubby's favour I guess.

L_E_O · Post by **L_E_O** » Thu Aug 31, 2006 8:48 am

ppron747 wrote:Something that's been puzzling me from Upset's first post is her saying "and i have to live of social security". Isn't this going to affect her husband's ILR application when the time comes, even if nothing else does, in the meantime?

No, as a British citizen she can claim all the benefits she is entitled to. However, if her husband is using the benefits money to live as well then there might be a problem.

Upset · Post by **Upset** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 4:44 pm

talk about biting my head of i guess im talking to the wrong people

but anyway jes2jes gave great advice thanks for your advice

babyfeet · Post by **babyfeet** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 5:16 pm

For good advice go to your nearest CAB. You don't have to stay married if the marriage has broken down. If he is no longer married to you or even if you two are not living together as man and wife then his visa cannot be extended and he may have to return home eventually. The important thing for you is to either leave him or get him to leave you. Is the house in your name or joint names? Are you a victim of domestic violence? Tell as much as you can to CAB, they may help.
A marriage takes two to make it work, if he isn't keeping his end of the bargain, then you must make a choice. You cannot actually get him sent home yourself, but once he is out of your life, don't concern yourself any further with him. It is you that matters.

L_E_O · Post by **L_E_O** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 5:49 pm

Upset wrote:talk about biting my head of i guess im talking to the wrong people
but anyway jes2jes gave great advice thanks for your advice

I don't see anyone biting your head off - I see quite a few people giving you good advice and telling you not to be so hasty.

Upset · Post by **Upset** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 6:23 pm

ok thanks for your help

this is the reply i got from a email a sent

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your enquiry.

If your marriage is no longer subsisting, your spouse should be informed that
they are expected to leave the UK as soon as possible as their basis of stay is
to be in a relationship with you.

Please be advised that you should write a letter formally stating that you are
no longer their sponsor, to the following address:

IND Home Office
Lunar House
40 Wellesley Road
Croydon
CR9 2BY.

If they wish to remain, they must make an application to stay in another
immigration category and apply to the Home Office. Your letter will be taken
into consideration for any further applications he makes to the Home Office, but
he may still be granted leave if he meets the
immigration requirements.

Please advise him to visit our website: www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk for more
information.

Otherwise he must leave the UK. He can apply to return to the UK at a British
Diplomatic post in his home country.

Yours Faithfully,

If you intend to reply to this email please ensure that you re-send all the
information from your original enquiry.

this is very useful

but no matter how bad he treats me my heart is not so cruel to send him back and stay away from me
his just to childish

rooi_ding · Post by **rooi_ding** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:03 pm

It would seem that you are compassionate, I think in order to avoid any further confrontation with your husband you should ask him to leave or you should move out depending on how you sort it out. You should probably discuss this rationally, and give him a chance to apply for another immigration category, give him a time line and tell him you will not ask for his removal however he should not sit around and expect to get ILR through your sponsorship. I suspect this will help defuse any tension that has been building up. All the best and hope it works out.

Immigrationboards.com: Immigration, work visa and work permit discussion board

PAKISTANNI HUSBAND NOT WANTED

PAKISTANNI HUSBAND NOT WANTED