please help

katy1 · Post by **katy1** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 5:59 pm

Hi I do not want my husband to get his indefinite leave to remain as I am worried that he will change, is there a way that he can renew his visa without applying for settlement?

Kind regards

katy

JohnM · Post by **JohnM** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 7:58 pm

(sorry, it was inappropriate emoticon, I misunderstood)

MelC · Post by **MelC** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:01 pm

katy1 wrote:Hi I do not want my husband to get his indefinite leave to remain as I am worried that he will change, is there a way that he can renew his visa without applying for settlement?

Kind regards

katy

I am going to assume that you have good reason to suspect that he "is going to change" and this is more likely that he is going to up and leave?

IF you no longer wish to be his sponsor, and do not intend to sponsor his ILR then you should contact the UKBA Croyden and advise them of this IN WRITING, DO ask for confirmation of receipt of the letter or send it registered to start with, but once you have done this, you have withdrawn your sponsorship and the UKBA will not advise you of the situation afterwards as you are no longer the sponsor it is not your concern if you see the line of reasoning?

sorry that your marriage appears to have not been what you hoped for.

katy1 · Post by **katy1** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:31 pm

Thanks for your help. So what visa will he need to apply for to stay in the country for 2 more years? he has agreed to not go for indefinite leave to remain as I have told him I do not trust him. Comments much appreciated

Marian2012 · Post by **Marian2012** » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:50 pm

Someone correct me if I'm wrong but I think he could apply for DLR

Post by **vinny** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:16 am

It's his choice on what to apply for.

Smam · Post by **Smam** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 10:55 am

Hi

Well its soo simple just tell your husband that he has to live as you want him to live other wise you'll kick him out of this country. You can surely do that there's no harm in that. Its the most simple thing just tell him that love the way I sponsered you its going to be the same and more eaisiest way for me to withdraw my sponsor ship for your visa. But today is your day you can do it. But remember that day when he'll get the ILR or if he'll get the ILR lets face it on any day after getting your Sponsor ship for it and he'll turn back and do the same to you how you'll feel for that.

I have no rights to advice you on that but to be honest with you try to develope that trust b/w you and your husband and God Forbid if it didn't seems to be working I would never ever advice you to continue with your relationship cause just always think about that day when he'll turn back on you. Just let the time pass by getting your husband a Visa extension and not ILR didn't seems to solve the problem in your relationship. It seems to me like that your husband is just using you to stay in this country. I would highly advice you to try to develope the trust b/w you and your husband and try not to develope the condition for trust cause I believe trust with a condition is more of a contract and relationships doesn't really go long in any kind of contractual obligations.

I believe I haven't said any thing rocket science in my reply to your post being a normal human being with just a very little of common sense.

I've commented on your post as you have asked in one of your post to do that so if you find them offensive in any sense I do really appoligise for that.

MelC · Post by **MelC** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:22 pm

katy1 wrote:Thanks for your help. So what visa will he need to apply for to stay in the country for 2 more years? he has agreed to not go for indefinite leave to remain as I have told him I do not trust him. Comments much appreciated

He could apply for DLR, discretionary leave to Remain, I have no idea what his chances of getting it would be, based on his reason for applying for DLR ~ my wife doesn't trust me so will not sponsor me for ILR ~ why should the UKBA give him discretionary leave while you decide if you trust him or not?

I don't mean that to sound rude or offensive, just the basic bottom line?

personally I don't think that its a valid reason for a person to be granted DLR. and I hope that they UKBA on't either!

you do need to consider your own position if your husband becomes an Over Stayer and you have not withdrawn your sponsorship.

when you husband had his original entry visa, you were his sponsor, he was granted that visa for 27 months with view to settlement at the end of that time, and that 27 months is among other things time for couples to see if their marriage does work based on its oten long distance aspect prior to the visa, my apologies if this is not your situation.

but whatever the original situation, if you are not happy to continue as sponsor then you should not, you should inform the UKBA of your decision
and from there it is between your husband and the UKBA.

will he continue to reside with you?

katy1 · Post by **katy1** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 9:20 pm

Thankyou so much for all your comments, yes he will be staying with me. Its just that i will feel safer and happier knowing that he did not marry me for the visa. We have a daughter which was not planned as he did not want children, will this help him to stay?

I am just so confused and going through a very difficult time, I feel depressed as I always dreamt about marriage and was so certain that mine would not just be another failure. I want to stay with him, and be happy for the sake of my child. She is the only thing important to me at this time. I do not want her to grow up without a father. Also I do not think I will be able to cope on my own, I have no family as they are all in Wales and I am in London.

Sorry to drag on

Thanks again

katy1 · Post by **katy1** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 9:27 pm

one more thing with DLR how long will he be able to stay? will he need to renew this every 2 years? Thanks so much for your help. You are so kind

MelC · Post by **MelC** » Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:58 pm

katy1 wrote:Thankyou so much for all your comments, yes he will be staying with me. Its just that i will feel safer and happier knowing that he did not marry me for the visa. We have a daughter which was not planned as he did not want children, will this help him to stay?

If he overstays he will (if someone informs him) apply for DLR under article 8 of ECHR. and yes your having a child will be his reason to stay, quite ironic as he did not want children.

what makes you suspect that he married you only for a visa? you do NOT have to answer here, but answer that question to yourself.
I am acutely aware that there are many men that do marry for a visa, I have a case load of them personally, and I am not suggesting that your husband is one of them. It is not the usual scenario that the sponsor withdraws their sponsorship, the spouse does not apply for ILR but that the couple remain a couple and reside together

I am just so confused and going through a very difficult time, I feel depressed as I always dreamt about marriage and was so certain that mine would not just be another failure.

why do you feel that it is a failure? marriage rarely lives up to our dreams, reality has a habit of getting in the way, romance disappears in the washing and ironing basket... dont beat yourself up. as you say you are going through a very difficult time.

I want to stay with him, and be happy for the sake of my child. She is the only thing important to me at this time. I do not want her to grow up without a father. Also I do not think I will be able to cope on my own, I have no family as they are all in Wales and I am in London.

to stay with your husband for the sake of your child is most likely not going to be fair on any of you, and if despite your husband not originally wanting children, and your daughter not being planned, if he is a good father then I understand you not wanting to deprive them of each other,
but i wonder if your husband applying for DLR rather than ILR is actually going to change how you feel?

it can be very difficult when we don't have family close by, its easy to feel that we have no support, is your husband supportive through this time? do you view that as genuine or because he wants ILR?

Sorry to drag on

Thanks again

I don't think that you are dragging on at all, but I do feel that you need to discuss the issues that are causing you to feel this way and find the right way for you, your husband and your child.

Post by **vinny** » Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:19 am

katy1 wrote:one more thing with DLR how long will he be able to stay? will he need to renew this every 2 years? Thanks so much for your help. You are so kind

He may also apply for FLR(M) before his leave expires.

Loveislovely · Post by **Loveislovely** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:48 am

katy1 wrote:Hi I do not want my husband to get his indefinite leave to remain as I am worried that he will change, is there a way that he can renew his visa without applying for settlement?

Kind regards

katy

Hi Katy1

I think if you stop being paranoid about your husband leaving you, it will help the relationship between you both. I am sure he has a conscience, if you allow him space, he may love you more and find it difficult to leave, on the other hand, if you pressure him too much, he may just pretend to be happy, and run off as soon as he gets ILR, just treat him nice, you'll be surprise..... Trust me, try it.

I'll be praying for you
Good luck.

Post by **Greenie** » Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:31 am

Katy1 - I am sorry to say but you can't make your husband love you or your marriage last by controlling his immigration status for ever.

if the marriage were to break down then your husband could apply for further leave to remain as a parent exercising rights of access to a child, and after a year in this category would then be able to apply for ILR

katy1 · Post by **katy1** » Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:09 pm

Thankyou for all your help. I have thought very long and hard about all your comments and have decided to let him have the ILR. I am just going to leave it to God. I can not be scared all my life, if he will leave me then let it be. I am just going to concentrate on bringing my child up. Thanks for your comments, it really has made me think. I just wish that the government would do something so that if someone has married a person for the visa and got it, they should be able to overturn that decision. Its sad because I know a lot of people who have gone through this and yet nothing has or can be done about it. Its just not fair. Thanks again everyone. God bless you all.

Smam · Post by **Smam** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:29 am

Hi

I must say that I am

at your post. My friend that's how you think I believe. Well what would you like to say about those people who gets married and gets separated or gets divorced regardless of the Visa thing. Govt cant do any thing if your relationship changes, I believe that's for you to decide make the right judgement for your self before getting in to any kind of relation ship.

I think you're a little paranoid about the fact that your husband will leave you after getting his ILR. We all have suggested you that why dont you have a clear chat with your husband regarding this fear and if he loves you as a wife I am dead sure that he'll do his best to remove this fear completely from your heart and mind I think and I believe that no body in this world no matter how bad he/she is wanted to get married to be get separated later in the life.

Always remember this thing that's what I strongly believe that After God Human beings comes under the control of their circumstances, your circumstances never ever comes under your control.

Good luck with your relationship.

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