marriage ended - wife wants IDL via Domestic Violence route

[sohail99]

I am a British Citizen and have separated from my wife. She would not accept the breakdown of the marriage unless she got her Indefinite Leave to Remain (IDL). She has been threatening me with putting a domestic violence case against me and my family. I informed the Home Office of the breakdown of our relationship in April and also told them that she was not leaving the property. She has now left, but not before calling the police to say she was being abused.

I had been getting the impression that she was only in it for the passport and once this was confirmed, I told her the relationship was finished. She became extremely abusive from this point onwards and made my and my family's life hell. If she'd been reasonable, we could have found a way. Now that she has left, she is still making my life hell (with threats, malicious gossip) and I know if she gets her right, it won't end there.

Having researched the net, it seems that the authorities and the HO always tend to beleive the female.

What can I do? I regret saying this but I do not want her to get IDL, because of what she has done and will do, and how she has betrayed me and lived a lie. She is currently getting a case ready with a solicitor with further allegations.

[Scottishraja]

This happens a lot with women coming from Pakistan. There is an excellent webiste with real life stories but I cant remember it.

I shall post the details soon.

[Casa]

Scottishraja thanks....but I don't think we need the website link. Also please don't make sweeping derogatory statements regarding race or nationality on the forum.

Sohail99 your wife will have to submit strong evidence of Domestic Violence in order for the application to succeed. Only you know whether she'll find this possible to do.

[pazpatel]

I am a British Citizen and have separated from my wife. She would not accept the breakdown of the marriage unless she got her Indefinite Leave to Remain (IDL). She has been threatening me with putting a domestic violence case against me and my family. I informed the Home Office of the breakdown of our relationship in April and also told them that she was not leaving the property. She has now left, but not before calling the police to say she was being abused.

I had been getting the impression that she was only in it for the passport and once this was confirmed, I told her the relationship was finished. She became extremely abusive from this point onwards and made my and my family's life hell. If she'd been reasonable, we could have found a way. Now that she has left, she is still making my life hell (with threats, malicious gossip) and I know if she gets her right, it won't end there.

Having researched the net, it seems that the authorities and the HO always tend to beleive the female.

What can I do? I regret saying this but I do not want her to get IDL, because of what she has done and will do, and how she has betrayed me and lived a lie. She is currently getting a case ready with a solicitor with further allegations.

This is extremley upsetting and disturbing to read, I only pray and hope that everything works out for you, I think from reading the post you have it under control and if everything is honest on what you say and write, it will work in your favour no reason for it not to.

I do not have any advise I can give you apart from what youa re already doing, if you reported it to the authorities and UKBA back in April at least you can say you did report it and they dont nothing about it.

I recenlty got married in India, and I knwo I will never be in this situation but there was a girl I met who had been to London before and I soon found out before a second meeting / date with her she had a alternative motive so I guess I am lucky on that front but it happens unfortunatley. Its how you deal with it and go past it.

I wish you and your family the best and hope everything works out in your favour which I am sure it will if all honest.

All the best and would be good to hear what does happen as this will help other people going forward.

[sohail99]

Thanks scottishraja, casa and paz for your comments.

As far as I know, I've been extremely reasonable with her and she won't be able to provide even weak evidence as it does not exist. However, she maybe able to provide letters from agencies etc (if she'd contacted them, which she probably did as I found DV papers with her in May).

The Police have advised that it would be best not to allow her back as that would make me vulnerable to further allegations. A mediator came on her behalf and she has rung me last week to come back. But I don't trust her anymore and hate what she has done to my family. If it was just me, I would have found room to forgive her and see how I could help her as I pity her (and she is following a lot of wrong advise which is just escalating problem).

The last I heard (4 days ago) was that they were now going down the route that I'd bought her as a worker and had no intention of keeping her as I'd not registered her for a national insurance number. This is despite telling the mediator that our family discouraged her from ironing, hoovering and cooking and washing (not sure what work was left to do).

Her leave runs out at the end of the week, so I guess, I'll receive something from her reps soon.